Preparation for Prayer
00:00 - Intro (Announcement)
You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe from TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. This is the Prayer Podcast.
00:08 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Welcome back everybody to the Prayer Podcast. We are in the middle of talking about the prerequisites for prayer. Now we're going to talk about the preparation. What do we actually need to do before praying? Now we've learned that prayer is extremely powerful and can ascend to the loftiest of heights. But just like we wouldn't take a bow and arrow and shoot without preparation, you wouldn't paint without preparation. You wouldn't do your electrical work without preparation, you wouldn't do anything without preparation. Even if you go to the dentist, they have the hygienist, or whatever they call dental hygienist. It prepares everything so that when the dentist comes, everything is ready. So, too, you can expect your prayers to reach the one above without first putting yourself into the proper environment. It takes a lot of discipline to be able to shoot your projectile so that it hits its target. The same applies to prayer. If you want your prayers to ascend to the proper place for them to be answered, they must be aimed precisely so that they will be on target and make a direct hit. For that you need preparation. So what does this entail?
01:26
So Talmud tells us that the Divine presence does not rest upon a person if he is depressed, unhappy, sad, or if he's lazy, or from joking or mockery, or if he is engaged in idle chatter, just from joy. The only thing that Hashem's presence rests on is joy, happiness. All the other things worry. No, hashem's presence can't Concern. Oh, you're all harried, you don't know what to do. Hashem's presence can't rest there. Hashem needs calmness, hashem needs joy and happiness. We spoke about this in our Parsha review podcast, where we talked about how we got to let go and let God.
02:18
Our sages teach us that the sole reason that people are distant from God and do not draw close to Him is that they lack Yishuvadat, a settled mind. It's hard to compose one's mind if one is depressed. Only by being in a state of joy, in a state of simcha, can a person direct his mind as he pleases and attain proper settled mind state or, as they call it today, mindfulness. Joy is freedom, freedom of the soul. Through joy, a person becomes free and can emerge from his personal suffering and exile. We mention this. We all have challenges, we all have things that come up that take our mind and throw these ideas, these worries, these concerns like what's going to be? Gotta let it go, gotta let go. It's great to be free, free of worry, free of problems, free of external and even internal pressures, but surely the reality makes this very difficult, if not impossible.
03:35
Our sages suggest that a person try to free himself of some of his burdens, especially during the moments of prayer. After all, we are trying to concentrate on our words to ask God to help us in whatever endeavor we are involved with. But how can we concentrate if we're filled with worries? The answer is to strive for happiness and joy. When you're happy, your mind is free of worry. Therefore, you can concentrate on what you're thinking and on what you're saying. When our sages teach that the divine presence will rest only upon one who is joyous, it means simply that the person can connect to God during His prayers.
04:20
How do we do that? The number one way to be happy is don't worry. Don't worry why do we worry? Because we want to be in control, because I need to understand the future, of how it's going to work out. I'm worried. What am I worried about? What am I concerned about? What am I stressed out about or anxious about the future? I don't know what it's going to be. But the minute we realize that Hashem takes care of everything for us, I have nothing to worry about, I have nothing to be anxious about, I have nothing to be worried about. I know Hashem is going to take care of everything, ah, that gives us a sense of joy, a sense of relief.
05:04
You know children, if you take them out of their environment, of their home. My little little baby is 18 months and she started going to play group. You know what she does. Every time I take her out of the car to bring her into the play group, she grabs my shirt or my jacket. She doesn't want to let go. Why? Because there's something she does know Is that my parents care about me, my parents love me, my parents take care of my every need and they're afraid to let go. You see, when we become adults, then we're like what do my parents want from me? What do they want from me? And we become arrogant. We're like I don't need my parents. That's the same thing with Hashem.
05:53
We need to understand that Hashem takes care of our every need and we need to cling on to Hashem and say Hashem, I know you're going to take care of everything you always have, you always will, and I'm letting go. I don't need to know the results, I don't need to know what's going to happen. I don't need to know the future. I'm putting my full confidence and trust in Hashem. People put their trust and money, but you know what it says on those dollar bills In God we trust, not in money we trust. It's important for us to reaffirm this in our consciousness daily. I put my trust in Hashem. You want to be happy every day of your life. Recognize that everything is from Hashem and you'll stop worrying what's going to be. You're not worried. Are you going to make the meeting? Are you going to make the? Are you going to close the deal? Are you going to? It's not my business. Be like Moshe. Make believe you're doing things. Hashem will take care of everything for you. Oh, I've had many smart aleks tell me. Oh well, that doesn't pay the bills. Having trust in Hashem doesn't pay the bills. Oh well, yes, it does. It actually does. That does pay the bills.
07:16
It's very interesting that I finally am trying to. I'm finally starting to understand what my Rabbi told me about 30 years ago. I asked him. I said Rebbe, I don't understand. You have 13 children. How do you pay for weddings? How do you and in Israel a wedding is much more expensive than it is here to marry you for a girl because you buy them an apartment. You have to buy the couple an apartment. What rabbi has enough money to pay for an apartment for their children? See, nobody told me. He says I write a check. What's the problem? Even with a big smile I write a check, yeah, but you got to cover that check. He says that's not my problem, that's Hashem's problem. You know what? He married off 13 children without a hitch. You know why.
08:08
Every time there's a miracle, every time Hashem took care of it. You just have to let Hashem do it. Sometimes we want to choke Hashem. I want to know. I want to know how it's being paid for. I want to have it all planned.
08:21
You know what someone once told me. He said financial security equals. Look in the dictionary financial security. You know what that means. I don't trust God. That's what it means that if something were to happen, what am I going to do? I can't rely on Hashem. I have to have all the answers. Financial security I have to know that if I'm going to be 80 years old, how am I going to pay those bills. That's right. Hashem forgot about taking care of 80-year-olds. He forgot all about it.
08:59
If you don't have that little safety fund, if you don't have that security fund, what's going to be? That doesn't mean that a person shouldn't be responsible. It doesn't mean that a person shouldn't have insurance If it's available certainly a person. I asked my rabbi if it's a lack of trust in Hashem to have a life insurance plan you don't trust Hashem is going to take care of your family, right? If there's the ability to do that, and it's not a lack of trust in Hashem, you don't put your reliance on that. But if it's available, do it. Why not? But to put your reliance on it, oh, my whole safety net, everything is based on my money. No, that makes people anxious because then the stock market goes down. What's going to be? Stock market goes up, okay, maybe, maybe, maybe not. I hope it doesn't drop Person's dependent on themselves. It's not a healthy way to live life. Let go and let God.
10:05
Identifying positive aspects in ourself is one of the keys to happiness and the aforementioned lesson we mentioned this previously are sages offer several approaches to attaining joy. The first the way a person achieves joys by recognizing their own positive traits. You ask most people you know you have positive traits, you have negative traits. I have positive traits, me, I thought I only have negative. People don't even realize that they have positive traits.
10:40
My grandfather said that when he learned in the Mir Yashiva, the headmaster of the Yashiva was a great, great sage, rabbi Rukham Levavitz, the spiritual mentor, the spiritual guide of the Yashiva. He said if someone doesn't know their flaws it's awful, but if someone doesn't know their qualities, it's the worst thing in the world. How can you not know your qualities? If you don't know your virtues, if you don't know your qualities, how can you be happy? You have to know how blessed you are. You have to know how gifted you are Because your sense of not arrogance, sense of joy, hashem entrusted me with such great traits, such great abilities. Ah, I can accomplish so much. Hashem trusts me with these gifts. By the way, hashem gives you the ability to do acts of kindness and you don't. Hashem gives you the ability to do acts of compassion and you don't. Hashem gives you the ability to do acts of charity and you don't. You're held accountable for that. We're all held accountable for that.
11:59
Our sages emphasize the importance of looking for and finding merits in other people and then stress the importance of finding the good in oneself. It's easy to find faults in ourselves we do it all the time but if we are down on ourselves, we become depressed. If we are positive and recognize the good that we have within, we can and do become joyous and happy people. This process creates music. When we harp on our positive points, we create melodies that bring joy and happiness. We realize how gifted we are. We're comfortable with ourselves.
12:46
The biggest problem is I think I truly believe this schools are doing a much better job today than they were back in my days. Back in my days, it was all that you're nothing and you don't know anything, and it was a negativity aspect to it. Today we have to celebrate and Reb Nachman says this back 200 years ago, 250 years ago that every person has greatness within them. Within each and every human being. There's greatness. We just have to unfold it. We have to unwrap it, uncover it, unseal it and let it shine forth. But it starts with ourselves. We can't be positive, up-up-inspiring people to our children if we don't feel good about ourselves. We have to feel good about ourselves. We have to be inspired that will lead our lives, so that we can infuse in others that positivity.
13:58
Another preparation for prayer is cleanliness. So step number one we said to joy. How do you have joy? Appreciate yourself, identify your positive aspects of your own life, your own character. Number two is cleanliness. Our sages teach that in order to accept the yoke of God, a person should first cleanse their body of waste matter and make sure to wash your hands Before you come to pray. You wash your hands Only. Then we don't art to fill in. We recite the Shema and we pray.
14:33
Some people immerse in the mikvah prior to prayers, which is reminiscent to the what the kohanim, the high priests, the priests in the tabernacle, in the service of the temple. They were required to immerse themselves before they began their service in the temple. When we pray, we're doing a service in the temple. We need to cleanse ourselves. I want to share with you something.
14:58
Why do we need to wash our hands before we pray? I say just tell us the most incredible secret Hands is the source for our arrogance. My hands, what I've accomplished with my 10 fingers, you see, these hands, what I've accomplished. That arrogance needs to be washed away. So what we do is before we pray and before we eat. Before we eat. What do we do when we eat Like? This is my hard earned money that's paid for this food. Wash away the arrogance. We wash our hands before we pray. We wash our hands before we eat. Remember that everything is from Hashem. You know what the benefit of that is, not only to be humble, to be joyous. You recognize, hashem loves me. Look at the goodness he's given me. Look at how much good Hashem has given me. That's what we get when we wash our hands. It's not all about me. It's not all about me expanding my me, the meanest, no, hashem. I'm washing my hand of that thought. I'm cleaning my hands of the thought. Okay.
16:19
Next, our sages tell us that our prayers are answered due to Torah study. Our sages explain how the Torah brings Heine, brings grace upon those who study Torah. Words that lack grace, importance or favor are not always accepted. They have to have grace, they have to have some character of kindness. If you want your prayers answered, you have to spice them up with grace. This is accomplished through Torah study. Even a few minutes of engaging in Torah study before praying in the morning will inject a measure of grace into our prayers. Torah study has the ability to make a lot of blurry things clear. When we study Torah, what happens is we take our glasses and we put our glasses on. Suddenly, oh, I can see. Look at that, I can see. The world is foggy, it's fuzzy, it's blurry. We take the glasses, put them on and suddenly we can see things straight. That's the Torah. The Torah gives us the ability to have a clear vision.
17:31
Next, what we need for prayer charity and and guarding the covenant. There's two very important things. One should donate to charity before praying. One can give this charity before praying by placing a few coins in the charity box in his home or in the synagogue. Additionally, one must be cautious with the covenant. Or say, just tell us, the Bris refers to the packed God made with Abraham and sealed with the midst of circumcision. Guarding the covenant means keeping oneself morally pure and abstaining from illicit relationships, keeping one's mind clear, keeping one's thoughts clear. This is the obligation of getting ourselves prepared before prayer.
18:23
Another preparation attachment to tzadikim, attachment to the righteous. Our sages suggest that people attach themselves to true, righteous people, to righteous people. All people have attachments to others, such as family, friends, groups or even gangs, even, by the way, sports teams. That's an attachment. All of us are Astros fans, all of us are Texans fans. We have an attachment to something. It helps us feel part of something. Everybody wants to feel part of something. Obviously, an attachment to a gang will bring a person to misery. On the other hand, an attachment to tzadikim, to the righteous who are always engaged in good deeds, will lead a person on a straight and narrow path filled with positive deeds and goals. It sets you on a different course for life. It sets you on a different trajectory.
19:21
The act of prayer itself reflects the importance of attaching oneself to tzadikim, to the righteous. The prayers are in place of the sacrifices which were brought in the tabernacle and in the base of Mighdash in the temple. And our sages explained that in the desert, all the Jews participated in building the tabernacle, but when everything was ready, there was no one who was able to place all the various parts into the proper position, except for Moshe, the most righteous of the people. We just spoke about. This Amazing how it intersects. Similarly, each of our prayers is a figurative brick in building the mishkan, in building the tabernacle. When the prayers are attached to the righteous, they can be included in erecting the mishkan and revealing the kingdom of Hashem.
20:15
The custom among some of the Hasidic sages is to recite a short paragraph prior to prayer in which they attach themselves to the righteous. They are attaching their prayers to the righteous. The paragraph begins HaRayni meKashir atzmi besfilosy lchol atzadikim haamitim. I'm attaching my prayer, I hear, by bind myself through my prayer, to all of the righteous. What's that doing? Well, they have a clear path. They have a clear direction, a clear closeness with Hashem. I want to attach myself to that.
20:54
The sages tell us that not only someone should have a rabbi that they learn from, but also it says haveimis abek be'afiraglam, be so close to the righteous that you get dust from their shoes. That's how close you are Meaning. You look at their ways, you look at how they conduct themselves. You learn from their righteousness. By the way, my grandfather said that one of the students in the Yeshiva that he learned in the Meir Yeshiva learned in the Yeshiva for a while, but he once went swimming with the rabbi Rebi Rukham, and the student said he learned more from how he conducted himself at the pool Modesty, humility, then all of his lectures oh, great, profound thoughts and ideas. He learned more from how he conducted himself at the pool than all of the other lessons he learned.
21:54
You see a sage in action. How they conduct themselves, how they talk to other people, how they have compassion and love for every person. That cannot be seen in a lecture. That has to be seen in action and that has a greater impact. Our children learn much more from our actions than from our words. Much more from our actions than from our words.
22:29
And finally, there are two types of prayers. As we prepare for prayer, we should also prepare our hearts for the correct attitude to have when we pray. Our sages tell us do not make your prayer keva by rote, by habit. Make it with compassion and supplication. It should be hishtapros, it should be pouring out from your heart, giving thanks to Hashem. Our sages speak of two types of prayer. The first and foremost is pleading and supplications for compassion. I know I don't deserve your compassion, but I ask for it anyway. What's the second type of prayer which one must be very careful about Is a demanding prayer, where you should give me what I'm asking for.
23:19
I demand it, I want that job, I want to marry that person. Make it happen, god. Be very, very careful. The first is called prayer of rachamim and tahanunim. It's a prayer of compassion and a request through supplications. The second is called keva of judgment, meaning rote of judgment. In Hebrew, the word keva by rote is also translated as stealing, meaning it's as if you're stealing from God, demanding he do what you want and you know what. If a person prays for something, they'll get it, but be very careful what you pray for. You demand a certain job. It might be the biggest nightmare in the world for you. Be careful what you ask for. So what's the right way to ask? Mercy, compassion, hashem, I don't know what's right for me. Guide me in the right way. Protect me from negative things, protect me from danger, physical, spiritual, emotional danger. Put me in the right place. Give me the right guidance.
24:30
We should always adopt the first type of prayer Searching for God and seeking His compassion, no matter how we have lived, as a righteous or otherwise. God is ready to hear our prayers. But we should not be demanding of God. If God grants your wishes, good. If not, then not. My dear friends, hashem loves our prayers, hashem desires our prayers, but only prayers that come from the heart. Rahmanah liba bayi. You can't force words Hashem wants your heart. Your heart means a heartfelt prayer when you talk to Hashem and you share your worries, you share your concerns, you share your hopes, you share your dreams. That's real prayer Talking, having actual communication and a conversation. Demanding, demanding doesn't work. It could work, but you might regret it. I have to be very careful about that. Hashem wants our hearts. Let our hearts be filled with compassion, with love, and hopefully all of our prayers will be accepted lovingly by the Almighty, with compassion, with kindness, goodness, and only for the best of our lives. Amen.
